Not Martha

links: misc

They’re making a Dark Crystal sequel. At Kottke.

smug archive. At Kottke. This is way more important to me than I’m making it out to be right here as I’m all calm and nonchalant. See? Nonchalant.

iPhone Game or Not, ‘Portal’ is Free and You Should Download It | Touch Arcade. OMG!

What’s the middle ground between “F.U!” and “Welcome!”? | Ask MetaFilter. I stumbled upon this response to an etiquette question (from 2007!) recently. Read the comment linked to first, then scroll to the top, read the question and skim your way down through the comments. It’s the best lesson in etiquette and behavior I’ve found in years. And I’m a person who openly admits I find subtext, subtlety and body language completely incomprehensible until I’ve had a few years to mull it over. Also note the number of people who have favorited that particular comment, it makes me feel less alone.

Fallen Princess. This is the weblog of Christina Kelly. Yes, that Christina Kelly, the one from Sassy magazine. Note my nonchalance (see above), it will indicate how very excited I am right now.

· comments [17] · 05-18-2010 · categories:links · misc ·

17 responses so far ↓

  • 1 meaghan (chic cookies) // May 18, 2010 at 4:58 am

    Oh my, great find in the etiquette department. Sigh. I’m a Guesser. And I overinterpret Askers. What solid insight this morning!

  • 2 Elle Sees // May 18, 2010 at 5:01 am

    Omg I lived for Sassy as a kid.
    And I’m a Guesser.

  • 3 mamacita // May 18, 2010 at 5:54 am

    Christina Kelly?

  • 4 mamacita // May 18, 2010 at 5:55 am

    Damn, that should have read: “Christina Kelly? Be still my heart.”

  • 5 barrie // May 18, 2010 at 6:17 am

    What’s the smug link about? I’m confused.

  • 6 GirlWithCurls // May 18, 2010 at 6:56 am

    I so appreciated that post defining Ask and Guess cultures. We covered this topic in a college communication class (but the instructor called it something else).

    I used to be a guesser – and to be honest with you, being a guesser is painful and stressful and makes a healthy work life and friend-life almost impossible.

    In the last two years (after having moved into a more high stress and demanding environment) I had to change into an Asker – giving myself the responsibility to ask and the other person the responsibility to answer honestly.

    My social life has boomed. I don’t stress anymore about what people think, what they feel, and are the REALLY being honest?All I have to do is make sure I’m honest, and make sure that I’m prepared for the answer I don’t want (No).

    In conclusion – I don’t think we’re forever one or the other. We can change.

  • 7 Donna // May 18, 2010 at 7:04 am

    Megan, I just had to comment because the Ask vs. Guess thread (I’m the Ask-er, my husband is the Guess-er) is a big topic at our house, ever since that thread appeared – very helpful to me as an explanation for why people can be so indirect!

  • 8 Megan // May 18, 2010 at 7:32 am

    Eek!!! Christina Kelly! OMG. Wow. Exciting.

  • 9 herschel // May 18, 2010 at 8:01 am

    YES! i love that post on ask vs. guess. it totally clarified my family to my husband (we are guessers), and his family to me (they are askers).

    there have been so many times where my husband has been frustrated and said, “why didn’t you just ask your parents that?!” and i look at him like he’s crazy. why would i ask? i already know what they’re saying without saying it out loud. DUH, husband!

  • 10 Adam // May 18, 2010 at 11:45 am

    Ditto on the love for the Guess vs. Ask cultures bit. It’s a well-articulated version of something I suspect a lot of guessers and askers have taken note of. (I’m a guesser, btw. Damn me.)

  • 11 Seanna Lea // May 18, 2010 at 1:51 pm

    I love the Guess v. Ask.

    I felt horribly irritated when my inlaws (all of them) asked to come up last year. They didn’t seem to understand that it might be an inconvenience. I’m learning that if I have a problem with a specific visit that it is OK to say no and to tell them why or not depending on the circumstances (and for the record, I was mostly irritated at hosting people less than a week after we were vacationing with them. I make a cruddy host).

  • 12 Angela // May 18, 2010 at 2:11 pm

    Woah! Ask vs Guess…I’m totally fascinated by this. I can’t wait to test and observe this in “the field”..ha.

    I’m a Guesser, and I wonder if that’s largely due to the fact that I grew up in the South? I’ve had some conversations lately about Southern/Northern communications styles and our different levels of directness, and this seems to relate to that.

  • 13 Alison // May 18, 2010 at 2:51 pm

    OMG, Christina Kelly! I’ve been thinking about Sassy recently. I wish I had my old copies.

  • 14 Eliza // May 19, 2010 at 1:23 pm

    Here’s more on asking v guessing from TNR: http://www.tnr.com/blog/jonathan-chait/ask-dont-guess

  • 15 Cree // May 20, 2010 at 11:50 am

    Smug!? Could it be Shirley Halperin’s old NYC scene zine? Yup, it was. Thanks for posting, will peruse the archive. I even wrote a few things for Smug, back in the day. I was a big Sassy fan, too, so you pushed two buttons with this one…

  • 16 brookeb // May 22, 2010 at 10:32 am

    I’m totally an asker, and I love that whole description of how people behave. In response to Angela’s comment above, I think socioeconomic status might be important with it too, not just regional. My family is southern but we’re scrappy (and toward the lower middle class side). I’d think more refined manners and social norms might lead to a more guess background.

  • 17 fillyjonk // May 31, 2010 at 10:48 am

    Wow, that “ask” vs. “guess” thing sums up So. Many. Problems. that I have had in the past. I am a “guesser,” and more, I don’t like to seem to be imposing – so I find it really hard when someone comes and point-blank asks for something that I think they should not be asking for.

    I also have a hard time saying “no” which may also be a hallmark of being a “guesser” – you assume that because the person is asking, they figure the answer will be “yes.”

Leave a Comment